What are the rewards of living in a new country?
After working with expats as a counselor for over 10 years, the most common description of their experience has
been “It’s been a transformative experience; I feel like, in a way, I’m a different person to whom I
was”.
Research suggests there are advantages from living abroad, such as developing a deeper understanding of oneself, having a more profound interest in worldwide issues, an enhanced creativity and openness, as well as experiencing a general personal growth. In fact, living in a new country is many times described as a life-changing experience that prompts changes in our identity, making us more culturally aware and more likely to interact better in culturally diverse environments.
It makes you reflect on who you are and get to know yourself better: “What parts of me are me, and what is just a reflection of my culture?” This is a remarkable aspect, since the more you learn about yourself can have significant implications in your life choices (relationships, work, health habits, etc);
ultimately, how you want to live your life.
So why is it so hard to adjust to a new country?
Living abroad can be like being in a desert – all the social knowledge you’ve had up until now is stripped away from you, and suddenly you have to start from scratch. This includes not understanding the language, or the sense of humor or any social norms, such as what is rude and what not, or something as simple as knowing how to greet people! Everything becomes an extra effort – even ordering at a restaurant, where often you’ll choose the easiest option to avoid the hassle of having to ask questions about what it is exactly that you’re going to be served.
It’s hard to feel like yourself when you’re in a place that doesn’t yet feel like home. The absence of
your family and friends can make you feel even more like an outsider, with the pressure of having to
find your own group, even if at times it means hanging out with meaningless connections for the sake of socialising and not isolating yourself.
Living far away from your friends and partner can strain those relationships, especially if there’s a time difference. Sometimes people fall into a trap where they try their best to not miss out on what their loved ones are doing back home (through video calls or social media) to the extent that they are not fitting in their new country. This consequently adds to the feeling of not belonging anywhere.
Moreover, in many cases people also give in and work as something different from what they would
have liked, due to the language barrier. This change of role, where you’re requested to work as something you might not have ever considered before can make you feel out of your depth.
All this results in an identity loss where you feel lost and lonely. You might ask yourself: “What steps should I take next? Should I go back home, or pursue a career here?”
Why go to therapy when living abroad?
Therefore, with all this in the background, it’s common for any problem to intensify when living in
another country. Whether it’s a break up, a trivial disagreement with a work colleague, or a friend not
replying to your messages for a few days, it can all seem overwhelming.
In therapy we see that whatever you struggled with back home will very likely re-surface when you move abroad. Sometimes people think that living abroad will be a ticket to paradise, escaping from other issues they might have suffered back at home, such as their body image or social skills, but this is not the case.
Going to therapy when living in another country is undoubtedly a brilliant opportunity to get to know
yourself even more. Therapy can help clarify your values, what matters to you when removed from the social pressure from family and friends. It can help you decide what life you want to live, creating meaningful connections and learning tools to deal with whatever difficult feelings are getting in the way of living a more fulfilling life.
Is there anything I can do to mentally prepare when going to live in another country?
First of all it’s important to research and learn about the culture of the place where you’ll be living.
This way you might be able to reduce some misunderstandings that could happen in day-to-day situations that could contribute to culture shock. Understanding, for instance, that someone staring at you isn’t being rude but curious, or that when people comment or ask about personal topics is not a matter of impoliteness but rather a genuine interest in your overall well-being. This can help diffuse the awkwardness in initial interactions. You don’t have to agree with or share the local people’s values, but you should not judge them, since it would be coming from a very biased viewpoint.
Another crucial aspect is to make sure you learn (or start learning) the language as soon as you decide
to move country. Sometimes one of the biggest barriers to fitting in can be not being able to communicate properly. And linked to this would be the advice of learning to make room for the embarrassment of making mistakes when attempting to speak the language. Yes, there will be excruciating moments where you’ve probably said something that doesn’t make sense, but the chances are, you’ll look back and laugh at those anecdotes. Most importantly, though, you must remember that you can’t go from not speaking a word to suddenly mastering a language without going through the in-between; there will naturally be a process. The longer you postpone pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to attempt to speak the language, the harder it will get and the more it will limit you.
Find a balance in your life. Don’t make yourself so busy that you don’t have room to take in the experience. Sometimes people feel like they should be doing things all the time and fall into senseless plans, getting overwhelmed, and not having the time to reflect on what’s missing in their life. In the same way, at times people juggle keeping in touch with family and friends at home, afraid to be missing out on things, as well as trying to keep up with plans here. This can be exhausting and comes with a cost on your own self-care. Spending time alone can be uncomfortable, but this self-reflection is the most valuable aspect of going to live far away from home.
Our team has 10 years’ experience helping expats adjust to their new home. If you’re finding it hard to adjust to living in a new country, don’t hesitate to reach out to us – we are here to help you- and book an appointment
